Dart, my arrow’s aimed at you 

How much can you hate me? How can I win your heart? 

At least you can start…by not pulling yourself apart 
Can you give me a commitment? 

That could be a start 

Can you stop pretending that everything is okay 

That could … Maybe spark

A brighter flame 

And we could breathe into it together 

Wash all our pains…and drain them away

Into the fire

And the ashes we could throw into the sea 

The sea…that’s been calling me 
Who are you? To tell me how to start? 

I’ve done well, myself..and I thanked you…for your part 

But what did I receive…for the love I showed you? But grief? 

Can’t you see? It’s been hard to hold..your head

Your head, your..big head… 

You’re dead, you’re dead 

Until you make a mark 
Pick up your guitar! And sing your sorrows away 

Stop wasting time chasing girls…who you will only push away 

Who am I to tell you? 

Well… Who … Am I? 

I ..can’t judge you 

But I..can see you..for who you are 

My integrity, your integrity, OUR integrity

It’s all falling apart

But no, I am truthful 

I am just tired 

Of playing the same role, same part 
I’d like a dart 

And I’ll dart the arrow into your soul 

Unleash ALL the stories untold 

And then you can make a mark  

Finally standing up for myself

Feels empowering to finally .. let go.. and stand up for myself. I deserve so much better.. than the way I’ve been treated. I can’t blame anyone but myself.. but if there’s ever .. “another chance,” I KNOW.. I’m not the one making the plans. Sorry, no, NOT SORRY. I’m not gonna apologize for my rage.. with .. men’s stupidity. Thanks to all the .. “nice guys” still out there. I don’t know what else to say… but phew.. I think I’ll be alone for a while. I’m probably better off that way.

the middle girl, the “friend,” the rebound

the middle girl, the “friend,” the rebound

I’m on my own here, at least I’m on solid ground

at least I can find my way back.. on my own.. onto solid ground

 

truth be told, I never “belonged” to anyone (but I let myself get tamed)

but stories unfold, each prick by prick, each game..by game

who is there to blame?

I can only blame myself

why I did listen? why did i care? why did i fall? for that puppy-dog stare

“save me,” “save me,” your eyes cried like you just lost the world

and me.. “a savior,” didn’t know I needed saving myself.. until I let myself go

I let go, I learned to let go

I learned to be patient

I learned “self-control,”

I learned that nothing lasts

I learned that people are haunted by their pasts

I learned.. I learned

never going back.. unless you turn EVERYTHING around

good luck with that

but I am holding my ground

just a rebound (like I always was)

to you, to him, and to the other one before

no one’s saving me here.. and I am done “saving” anyone.. anymore

take care of yourself

and I’ll do the same

wounded warriors.. got no one to blame

(you shouldn’t have gone to war)

but I fell for those scars (and you fell for mine)

somehow.. i can still see the sun shine

through all this haze and confusion

all this love.. or illusion

and yet I hope.. we see each other.. on the other side

 

the middle girl, the “friend,” the rebound

I’m on my own here, at least I’m on solid ground

at least I can find my way back.. on my own.. onto solid ground

 

careful what you take for granted

careful with who your’e romantic

careful.. be careful; she’ll break your heart

and I said I would be here (and I’ll be here)

but I am here.. falling apart

true friends… what did you show me?

that friendships come and go?

and.. you.. who I worshiped turned out to be such a big.. big phony..

i know it hurts to hear this

and you’d rather shut me out

you can try to blame it on me

but please.. just.. hear me out

listen to yourself!

did you ever listen to yourself?!

no, you just jumped around

girl to girl.. never on your own.. solid ground

and when .. that girl came around.. who wanted to say?

you let her get away

thank you.. for trying to save me

but your lack of commitment has made me

believe in you, or him, or anyone else.. for a while.. no more

so I’ll just go save myself here

I think this is best here

and I hope.. you’ll find the light.. on your own.. once more.

 

the middle girl, the “friend,” the rebound

I’m on my own here, at least I’m on solid ground

at least I can find my way back.. on my own.. onto solid ground

On teaching

Experience is the best teacher. To continue to love after being hurt is the best way. To look within after a break up is the healthiest remedy (alongside laughter). Time heals all wounds. Breaks are important, especially in relationships.. and sometimes the most important ones. True love lasts any kind of test, but a test.. is important.. You never know how it hits you. Everything is predestined (free-will is an illusion).

with L.O.V.E (Letting go, Openness, Vision, Eternal)..

P.S: before you can become more “enlightened,” or feel happier, you must go through all sorts of weird circumstances.. and face your demons. (speaking from experience, IN experience..RIGHT NOW.)

Peace! *Hold your head up*

Aekta.

It’s shakey, the “heroine’s journey”

I’ve been experiencing a lot of…. artistic expression recently..along with a lot of “spacing out,” and “realizing things.” Sometimes (and I’ve felt this way before) it feels like I am.. possessed..but not in a bad way. Whoever is reading this probably thinks I’m crazy and have “too much free time on my hands,” (I understand that)… I have had..a lot of free time.. but I’ve also.. learned a lot about my self, my past, my present and where I want to head in the future.. and I don’t feel just like “another brick in the wall” anymore.. like I did when I decided to take break from school. I was always a rebel, but now I feel like some inner beast has come out.. and it’s only gonna get worse.. from here (better.. in the sense that I know WHO I AM.. now) and WHO I WANT TO BE.. (well.. that’s always gonna be a process.. “becoming,”) but I feel like I’m headed in the right direction: ) A silent rebel, yeah.. but my voice is getting louder. So watch out X D And don’t cross me.

Never been hurt before/Now I know

Now I know what it feels like to be hurt. Guess I needed this to push me to move forward. It’s bittersweet… and I know I sound dramatic..but I put my all in things. Guess I won’t anymore.. not for a while at least. I put waaay too much into relationships than I.. received back.. and I understand.. how to play the game now. That’s pretty much what it is. There’s no such thing as “love at first sight,” or even “love that builds up over time.” Just people looking out for themselves. I know.. I sound bitter. I feel bitter.. until I feel sweet again. Just an influx.. Life. “We call it life, when we can’t call it nothing else,” ~Grouplove.

Ugh. I hate being this way.. but running away from a situation DOES NOT fix the problem.. yeah.. but I gave it my all.. and I’m exhausted. Sometimes, quitting is the right thing to do.. as much as it hurts .. (to feel I am “hurting” “the other person.”). Jeez. Can’t wait to get out of here.

Mission… almost.. all accomplished!

School starts in a week, and I have pretty much minimized … to things that give me motivation, and make my life easier. Yeah, I still have miscellaneous stuff (mostly just art supplies, camping gear.. and a guitar and an amp)..those creative outlets are never going away.. but everything else?!! yes!!! beginning with furniture (got a hammock because it’s easy to carry while traveling).. a tiny little book case (shouldn’t be too hard to load into a car and go).. hmmm.. I feel like I am not doing .. this full justice because I know.. that I could minimize even more.. but .. it’s a process.. and I gotta say I have much less than I had before: ) Or at least I know myself better.

Phew! what a relief. BeginningStepsMinimizingComplete

edit: I have a hoola-hoop and an exercise ball too.. but those things are also not heavy…although I’ll probably have to deflate the exercise ball when I move.. that’s not until at least a year or so later though…so it’s all good.